“Attack me, plz!!!” was first published on my Swedish Blog.

Well, I wonder if I’m running straight into the wall in 310 or if I’ve been moving as slowly as 290. At the moment I wonder a lot.


Everything did not turn out as expected, as one might expect


I’ve not had a terribly good start here in Thailand. A small crash with my boyfriend of 2 ½ years, which ended in him going back to his grandma and leaving me here in Bangkok, but I will probably go to my paradise (or so I think) Koh Chang in a day or so, where I will be able to ponder about my life and living, and preferably draw some conclusions and make any decisions and other incredibly interesting things like that.


A lot of Chang won’t be drunk and neither no red wine to find the depth, but all will still be found in the bottom of my soul.


OMG, I will never find my way out again. But this is something I have to do, and why not start with it when I already feel like shit, as I obviously do at the moment. Yesterday I didn’t even go outside, and I didn’t even eat or drink. Not even a single Coke. No, I’m not sick, only broken.


MBK – best shopping centre in Bangkok


Today I had in mind to get out and get some things done; get a mobile internet for my laptop amongst other things, so I ended up in MBK. MBK is a giant shopping mall for all of you who don’t know. My personal favourite. But first I wanted to pamper myself, because I love those kinds of things when I’m in Thailand; it is so cheap.


Massage from top to bottom, and tinting my eyebrows and eyelashes and some coziness in general.


I set off. Had a quick lunch; not because I was particularly hungry, but I felt I had to. Afterwards I stepped into a place where they looked exceedingly bored. She managed to sell me some facial too, although I must say I was pretty easy. I lay down and she started; and it was all happy faces. Until she took out the steam.


The panic came rushing inside me like a tsunami.


I felt the sweat pouring out, and a tingle along my spine. I crawled out from under the blanket she’d given me, and suddenly I felt some kind of anxiety – some kind of panic attack. I have a wicked claustrophobia, and I in general I don’t really like those steam things, just because they make it very hard to breathe. But this was among the worst I’ve ever felt.

The blanket came flying off me and the poor girl moved the steam when I told her I couldn’t handle it, but not even that helped. I sat up, took a couple of paracetamol and drank some water. My pulse was beating at a steady 380. What the…


Gasping for breath in the bathroom before I dared myself to get out…


I took the opportunity to run to the toilet, where I sat down for a while to just hyperventilate. When I came back I lay down again. We continued. I cancelled the whole eyelashtinting thing, since it had given me panic before. Don’t push it, right.

They started to yap about the money; after all it was 100 baht cheaper if I had it done at the same time. Hm, well but I think I can survive the loss of 20 sek actually. They only wanted to be considerate, but still.


The customer is always right! And even this insane farang!


So modestly she asked me if I wanted a face mask – well, why not, I answered as brave as I felt. She put on some other goo in my face and started to mix the mask. I heard the splashing behind me from a small bowl. I started somewhat sweating. She splashed on and I wiggled my leg out from under the blanket. Could that be enough? The splashing continued, and it came even closer…


NO! It wasn’t enough.


Thoughts where I saw the poor little thaigirl pouring the mask over me like concrete were playing in my head and I felt myself choking to death; slowly and certainly. I stood up like shot from a canon.

”Toilet” I hope I managed to squeeze out of my throat before I fled like a wounded rabbit. Gasping I clung to the toilet seat lid but could hardly get the smallest breath from my tight throat.


What the frack was going on here?


A few minutes later I forced myself to go back inside. I tried to look a bit troubled and diarrheish, so she’d maybe think that I had some kind of tourist problem. She put on my mask which was now ready and it went pretty well in the beginning. She pushed carefully with her small neat fingers and I was breathing calmly and safely.


Now, that wasn’t so hard, was it.


But wasn’t she pushing a little too hard and too much there on the left nose wing? At once I felt the panic come rushing and moved somewhat restlessly.

”Toilet?” the poor girl asked me and I just moaned a bit and she finished so I could go.

Well, then I sat there for a while, she said 10 minutes so I waited unnecessarily long to avoid laying in there with panic attacks.

When I came back she started to rub my feet and legs, which felt really nice. At once I became calm as a bucket and could breathe normally. I didn’t even mind having a stiff porcelain mask in my face which disabled me from moving my face. I was totally relaxed.


Revenge of the cucumbers


She took the mask off and PUT SOME CUCUMBERS ON!!!!! WTF! But you can’t do that, everybody knows cucumbers are dangerous! When she’d put on 25 layers of cucumbers I couldn’t breathe and I saw the headlines in front of me – TOURIST DIED FROM LACK OF OXYGENE DUE TO CUCUMBERS!

Fortunately she managed to stop me before I threw all the cucumbers to hell.

While I was in the toilet this time she went to the pharmacy, the small thing, and bought me a bottle of something really disgusting, some white goo. Which would be great for you if you had stomach problems; like diarrhea or constipation or whatever. Naaaaaw that was so sweet of her. She was a bit worried for me, and truth come out, so am I.


What are these strange behaviours and panic attacks throwing themselves at me? They are not welcome.


Must I add there was no massage?



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