“Utmaning: ta fram svärdet och stirra döden i vitögat!” was first published on my Swedish Blog.
After my weird dance with fate the other day I decided to slip in a puddle of water on my way to the beach… I scraped my foot and got an enormously big, black bruise on my knee. At the moment (the day after) it hurts like… and I can’t even sit in certain positions.
But that wasn’t the only escapade I was out on yesterday, no no. I did some other crazy stuff, like going for a massage. Real thai massage. No oil, but with clothes on. Clothes on is the real thai massage.
And now I don’t mean the one with happy endings, cause then I suppose you don’t wear any clothes at all. 😉
When I entered I asked if they only had 1 hour or if they had 1 ½ hours too. ”Yes, yes, we have what you want.” was the answer. Ok, then she understood that I wanted 1 ½ hours I thought. Great.
She threw a piece of cloth to me and pointed towards the toilet. ”Be careful”, she said too. And given the collision with the puddle I gently stepped inside. The floor was very wet. Hm, the cloth was a pair of fisherman’s pants.
What should I wear upfront then? I took my pants off, but kept the top and bra on.
When I came out I asked:
“Should I take the top off or keep it on?” The answer was ”NOOOOOO”. Well, apparently she didn’t hear the word ”or” in my sentence.
I decided to keep it on until someone ordered me otherwise. No one did.
As long as I was lying on my stomach all went well. Even when she hooked her legs, standing on my bum, with my legs and pulled my arms until my back was all bent. Although it might not sound like it, it was a very comfortable position; it felt like everything inside was stretched out in a well needed stretch. She must have an incredible sense of balance; it can’t be easy to stand on my fat bum.
For a second I started to giggle while I thought of how funny it must have looked, but it passed quickly and I focused on breathing again.
Well, then I had to turn around on my back. She was massaging my legs and I didn’t feel anything in particular. Then she got up to, what’s it called? Groins? Although it’s more on top, in front. They press very hard here for a long while and then when they let go, you can feel the blood rushing down your legs.
The feeling is usually pretty nice in an uncomfortable way.
But yesterday, well, I had another panic attack for some reason. I suppose I’m not really feeling that mentally well, but I actually felt a greater panic attack about having a panic attack, because if it’s one thing I cannot live without – it’s massage. Thai massage is absolutely awesome for my neck injury, and well, I can do without facials, but not massage.
So I pulled out my sword and prepared for a fight.
No one would surrender over some anxiety. Indeed. With the sword in my hand I focused on a square, where I breathed in on one side and out on the next. This tip I got from my friend Lotta, the other day when she’d read about my recent panic attack. And I feel extremely happy to inform you that it actually works.
In this way and with my sword I managed to ward off my panic attack. I won!
Proudly I could continue enjoying my massage and whenever I felt something bubbling up inside of me I simply warded it off in the same manner. No one shall ever push me down!
1 hour later it was over. No reason for protesting that I indeed had wanted 1 ½ hours I presumed and went to change pants. I got a cup of tea, as usual and was ordered to sit down for a while. I sat there and watched while they massaged the stiff Norwegian boys. I saw how she tried that funny thing with him, as the girl had done with me; hooking the legs together. But he couldn’t do it so she had to abort. Sissy!