Have you ever been unfaithful?


Have you ever let go of all of your inhibitions and rushed ahead without stopping for one lousy second? Only to regret it all with such immense intensity, maybe for the rest of your life. You feel so dirty, no matter how hard you try, you can’t scrub the filth away, not even with the hottest water or the hardest brush.

Small butterflies, jumping & playing in your stomach…

Maybe it all started with such innocence too; everything sweet and nice, some flirting and all of a sudden you were visiting every now and then, only to get a glimpse, a single peep. It felt so good, so exciting. Afterwards you just felt empty and alone, and you couldn’t turn to your best friend, your confidante to tell him about your feelings and dreams. You couldn’t share this with anyone, no one would understand anyway…

Everything’s been pink and fluffy for several weeks now, maybe even since the day I knew it would be you and me…

I’ve been in this fluffy, pink, nauseating state of mind for some weeks now; I’ve been stealing glimpses here and there, making plans, sometimes even touching the object of my affection. Of course I left my beloved at home when venturing out on such escapades. What sort of person do you think I am? In any case, standing there together with my beloved – watching the object of my desires – I wouldn’t have been able to conceal my emotions had my life depended on it.

Now it’s time; nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

And finally, I made up my mind – it was time to let go, I needed to take the step. While on my way I had so many butterflies in my stomach, just knowing I was about to enter the forbidden. It felt so wrong, but somehow I knew deep down inside it was the right thing to do. I just had to be brave in order to win in the end. So to speak.

I’ll probably never regret a thing, but…

I was brave enough, I took the step and it felt wonderful. But already on the way back home I panicked. What had I done? How would I ever be able to forgive myself? Entering the bedroom I choked – there he was, the one who had never betrayed me, he who had always stood by my side, and now I’d decided to just throw him away, without any further thought, simply because he started to get somewhat old and grey. All those long nightly hours we’d spent together,  making plans for the future, the long trips we’d made – everything just gone, nothing mattered anymore.

I had made our entire relationship dirty.

I know I’ll get over it, but at the moment it feels hard, I feel the burning looks in the back of my neck, now that I’ve made the decision to turn off, I feel the accusations hanging in the air.

How could you let me down? How could you betray me – your best friend, your one and only?

I’m sorry, but we’ve always known this day would come. We were living on borrowed time, and we’ve just been ignoring the truth. Even if it hurts now, I know this is for the best – in the long run. I cannot go on like this; the irritation I feel about your lethargic behaviour is killing me, I cannot stand the frustration just crawling inside of me every time we’re together. I dream about how exciting things were the first time we met, or the first times, in fact the first wonderful year together. It all went so fast. But there’s no longer any magic, you’ve become small and tired, and we have to say goodbye now, I have to move on.

Thank you for everything…

Thank you for all the lovely years and all the wonderful experiences you’ve given me. I will never be able to completely replace you, you will always be one of many, yet a very special one of many. You have forever a sacred place in my heart…

Thanks for everything and R.I.P, my wonderful MacBook!


PS. The pictures above show my new crush, a brand new MacBook Pro. Once I’m over the grief of having betrayed my current best friend (by the way, the one I betrayed my ex Powerbook Pro with) – my MacBook, I will be so happy indeed. ^.^